Last Resort
by Witness In The Silence
Summary: Sometimes the end is just a new beginning. When Rei Kon moved into his gorgeous, cheap new apartment, he got a bit more than he bargained for...it didn't help that he was afraid of ghosts. Shonenai KaiRei
1. Chapter 1

**Last Resort**

_By: Witness in the Silence_

* * *

"Sometimes the end is just a new beginning." When Rei Kon moved into his gorgeous, cheap new apartment, he got a bit more than he bargained for...it didn't help that he was afraid of ghosts. Shonen-ai KaiRei

* * *

Prologue: Whiskey Lullaby

_They found him with his face down in the pillow_

_With a note that said, "I'll love her til I die"_

_When they buried him beneath the willows_

_The angels sang a whiskey lullaby._

* * *

The window was open.

He knew because he could feel the cool breeze brushing against his wet cheeks, the dampness amplifying the chill carried in the air. His bangs were brushing against his closed eyelids, and his eyelashes were clumped together as though he had been crying...but he hadn't been. Not him.

His hands were fisted in the dirty, dank sheets. They could do with a washing; it had been almost three weeks, after all. But he couldn't bring himself to leave his apartment, not yet. He would eventually, he knew. Sometime later. When he felt like getting up...or when the room felt like slowing down. Either way.

He sat up slowly, his head filled with half-thoughts and empty ideas. He concentrated on the concrete facts, trying to pull himself back into reality, trying to tug himself back down from the heights to which the alcohol spurred him. It was useless, but at least concentrating on the smoldering cigarette between his lips helped him focus on the here and now.

He tapped the cigarette against the side of a nearby ashtray, noting that it was spilling over with gray ashes. Cancer's more physical form, he guessed. Hmm. Kinda poetic. Who knew.

He tried to stand, but his knees knocked together violently and he fell, halfway on the bed and halfway off. He turned his head into the blankets, the cancer stick dropping from his mouth. He closed his eyes and let the tears fall as he laugh half-hysterically into the filthy sheets.

* * *

That damn window just wouldn't close.

He could have sworn he had shut it when he had woken up yesterday morning. He had cursed the sunlight that had cut through his eyelids like some kind of knife, blowing the remnants of his brains out one ear. Hmph.

But here it was, open again, and he couldn't make his body move enough to close it. Oh well.

He lifted a lighter to the gray-ish stick in his mouth and lit it. He inhaled and then pushed out a gentle puff of cancerous smoke. In and out. In and out. In and out. Nothing too complicated; nothing too hard. He took it out and leaned it on the edge of a random ashtray and took a deep swig of whiskey, straight from the bottle.

He'd been sober today, he thought as he lifted the cigarette back to his lips. He might've actually passed a Breathalyzer test for once in about a month. He intended to fix that little flaw.

He chuckled a little bit to himself. "How proud of me are you now, Dad? Huh?"

* * *

It was that window that had put this idea in his head.

It was a pretty good one, so he figured he had to give credit where credit was due. He always thought about the sun blasting his brains out every morning...so it was only a short jump from there to him buying a gun at some seedy shop downtown.

He had considered writing some sort of fancy suicide note..."To whom it may concern" and all that crap. He dismissed the idea three seconds after it entered his mind. He wasn't like that...and so he just wrote what he was feeling. He had the note in his left hand and the gun in his right. His nose was digging into the now horrible filthy pillow, his elbow pressing into the mattress. He felt the cold steel barrel of the gun against his head.

He smiled sadly into the pillow as he cocked the gun. He was all too ready for this, all too ready for the peace of mind that awaited him when he pulled the trigger...

And so he did.

* * *

_...next to an open window in an apartment near the downtown area. He was twenty five years old and was found with a note reading, "I'll love her til I die". In this apparent suicide, the world lost what might have been one of the great minds of the century, according to his teachers. "He was a wonderfully talented young man...intelligent, funny, concise, enjoyable. He was someone who everyone loved very, very much. I had no idea he...he was capable of this." So spoke one Professor J. Thomas, teacher of Advanced Life Sciences at the university. This wonderful young man was set to graduate this coming Wednesday._

_

* * *

_

"The window was open..." 

"Oh, I'm sorry...I was sure I closed it this morning. Still, no harm done, eh Mr. Kon? This apartment was only rented by one other young man. He - " 

"I apologize if I seem rude, but I'm rather desperate. I'll take it." 

"...Very well! I'll bring up the paperwork then, shall I?" 

"Please." 

The landlord left, leaving a beautiful young man standing in the center of the empty bedroom. Amber eyes looked around him, coming to rest on the window. He sighed, his eyes soft. 

This was a sad room. 

This was a room that had seen far, far too much. 

_If only he knew._

* * *

A/N Only the prologue. The chapters will be longer. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Last Resort**

_By: Witness In The Silence_

* * *

"Sometimes the end is just a new beginning." When Rei Kon moved into his gorgeous, cheap new apartment, he got a bit more than he bargained for...it didn't help that he was afraid of ghosts. Shonen-ai KaiRei

* * *

Chapter One: Boston

_I think I'll go to Boston, I think that I'm just tired,_

_I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind..._

_I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,_

_I hear it's nice in the summer, some snow would be nice..._

_Boston... where no one knows my name..._

* * *

The sun was setting. 

Rei leaned against the windowsill of the re-opened window, amber eyes gazing out into the rapidly-approaching darkness that was enveloping the neighborhoods of Boston. Outside of his window, the dying sun's reflection glowed brightly on the windowpanes of the skyscrapers, creatings thousands of little stars.

Hm. That was nearly poetic...maybe his block was finally breaking. He had had it for nearly a month, ever since she left him. He had been unable to write, unable to think, barely able to carry out mundane tasks. He didn't commit himself to drink like other people had done; he didn't dive into his work, as the block obviously prevented that. He simply set himself on auto-pilot mode, and as his auto-pilot was very good, no one noticed until he started missing seriously important deadlines.

He had been sent to a shrink, a gypsy, several doctors, and some kind of mythical fortune teller for reasons he couldn't quite comprehend. He had tried to write down whatever came to his mind, but his mind was blank, leaving him with an equally wordless sheet of paper at the end of the day. Finally, he had had enough.

He had decided when his mother and editor both barged in together, declaring that they had discovered some kind of group workshop for something or other that they felt would help him. As their voices grew as they tried to talk over each other, he sank even further into himself, and he must have hit something deep down, because it was like a switch was flipped.

Ideas and thoughts began to move in his dusty head, whirling around brightly like ferris wheels on fire. He had slammed his cup onto the table so hard it shattered...that shut them up. "I'm moving," he said, and then he stood up to get packing.

Of course, they were distraught. "_Where are you going? Where will you live? How will you be able to do this? Well, I'll come along and help. Of course. You're too young, too upset, too irrational, darling. You must think this through."_

He had bought a plane ticket to Washington and left the next morning. He toured the state for a while, living off of the money from his last two books, making sure that they thought he was settled in. Finally, when they stopped calling every day to check on him, he bought a coach plane ticket to Boston, Massachusetts, and left. He made sure he left both his cell phone and his address book behind.

And now he was here.

He hadn't spoken to anyone besides the landlord, and he almost felt his voice rusting away from disuse. He _was _a social person, he recalled dimly, in the life that seemed cloudy and far away.

Most of his stuff was already in the apartment, his bed assembled and everything put away. He didn't exactly have much...a couch, a bed, a nightstand. That was about it. Lucky for him, the apartment was mostly furnished. Maybe he could sell the couch and nightstand...the only thing the apartment had been missing was a bed. Bizarre, really. Most of the time it was the bed that stayed.

Oh well.

He left the window open, the light breeze brushing against his cheeks. As he slid into bed and reached for the lamp, he realized that this was the first time in three months that not a single thought of her had crossed his mind.

He decided that he rather liked this apartment.

* * *

He hated this apartment. 

The sun came through the window like some kind of grenade or something, blowing him away the second he opened his eyes. Closing them, he had rolled away from the sun and fallen off of the bed. Ow.

Wincing, he lifted himself up, moving over to the window, squinting in the glare. He needed to buy curtains...badly. He pushed the window open, frowning as he vaguely recalled opening it last night before he went to sleep. Hmm. Maybe the wind blew it shut.

Yawning, he stumbled out of his room and into the living room-kitchen area. Whoever had lived in this apartment before him had excellent decorating sense: everything was a rich mahogany that gave a warm feeling to the room. He liked it much more than the bedroom, that was certain. Plus, the large bay windows leading to the balcony had curtains, which made whoever the guy was a genius in his book.

The living room lead into the kitchen, the two rooms divided by the hallway to the door. The kitchen was fully furnished and functional...very modern, too. Stainless steel appliances, beautiful marble countertops, perfect tile work, modern steel barstools...jeez. It looked like it belonged to a mansion.

Rei was wary, however. An apartment like this for the rent he was paying? Bah. Still, he wouldn't complain/sue/move out until he found something that made the apartment unlivable. He hadn't yet, so who was he to ask?

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Rei almost leapt onto the hanging lights, his mouth open in a silent scream. He spun around, his hand searching pointlessly for anything to defend himself.

Leaning on the doorframe was a tall, gorgeous, supermodel-esque man. His skin was a creamy pale color, his semi-baggy clothes draping from his lean, slightly muscled form in exactly the right way. Perfectly messy hair hung into captivating burgany eyes. If Rei wasn't so terrified, he would probably be a puddle of mush on the floor.

He arched an eyebrow elegantly, moving away from the door and towards Rei, who stumbled backwards until he hit the counter. As the man came even closer, he scrambled up onto it, shaking violently, his eyes getting wider and wider. His breath began coming in quick little gasps and he began to feel lightheaded.

The man was directly in front of him now, so close that he could see, in perfect detail, the black rings around those intoxicating burgandy eyes. His finely-shaped eyebrows drew together and a frown crossed his features. Gentle fingers came up to touch Rei's cheek. "You...can see me...?"

"Hell yes I can see you," Rei hissed through his teeth. The man started, and his stare intensified.

"You're...you're not her..."

"I'm a goddamn _guy_, of course I'm not!"

"A...a guy?" The man blinked once, confusion evident. "I...how..."

And then he was gone, leaving Rei alone in the kitchen, perched on the counter, trembling and very much afraid.

* * *

"I'm telling you, there was a _guy_ in my _apartment!_"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Kon. I didn't see anyone enter the building, nor did I see anyone of that description leave."

"Well, you're useless. Where the hell is the landlord?"

"Um, he's in Europe on family business. He didn't leave any contact numbers..."

"Well that's just dandy."

"I'm very sorry, sir. I don't have the authority to pull the files on the apartment, and I only started working here a few weeks before you arrived."

"Does _anyone_ besides the damn landlord have any authority around here? Rhetorical question. Don't answer."

"Um..."

"Never...never mind. Sorry...you're just the messenger. I'm not supposed to shoot you."

"Shoot me!?"

"...You're not exactly the brightest bulb, are you?"

Without waiting for an answer, Rei stalked away from the panicking doorman and made his way towards his silver Volvo. He slid into the leather driver's seat and slammed the door before he let himself semi-relax.

He took several deep breaths, clutching the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. He slowly, slowly relaxed his grip, using the old exercise his father had shown him long, long ago. He imagined all the tension in his body, squeezing his eyes shut until his cheeks became sore. He slowly let his muscles relax, loosening his hold, taking continually deeper breaths until he was completely relaxed and in control. He opened his eyes.

"Okay. Okay. First thing to do is start looking for apartments, houses, anything. Okay."

He could do this.

* * *

He couldn't do this.

As he slid back into his car, he fought the urge to scream. His search had proved absolutely futile. Everything was either too expensive, falling apart, or already occupied. What the hell!? He liked Boston, too. Dammit.

He took a deep breath as he began the drive back to the apartment, wondering if maybe it would be wiser just to rent a hotel room for the night...but no. Maybe there wasn't a guy. Maybe it was just the stress, sleep, and writer's block talking. Maybe he should have just had some coffee and forgotten about it.

Yeah. Yeah. He had totally overreacted...he was half-dead when he had "seen" the guy, anyway...heh. He was such a fool, reacting like that. A whole day he had wasted, running around Boston looking for apartments. Sheesh.

Laughing slightly at himself, he waved to the still-slightly-freaked-out doorman, smiling. He took the stairs because, hey, he had the energy, and a bit of exercise couldn't hurt. Nope. Still smiling, he unlocked his apartment and threw off his shoes, bouncing into the bedroom...maybe he would have a sh -

SHIT!

He froze, eyes widening, as the man from that morning looked up from where he was seated on his bed.

"What the hell!? You're just a damn figment of my freaking suppressed imagination! What are you _doing_ here!?"

"...I'm a figment...? I rather think not."

"Yes! Yes you are!" Rei pointed a shaky figure at the illusion. "I was half-dead this morning when I saw you...I have writer's block...you're just some imagined little _thing_. You are't _real._"

"Well, I surely wish someone would have informed me of this sooner," the man said in an acid-filled voice. "It's quite a shock."

Rei growled. "I'm just more tired than I thought I was, that's all. Yep, no reason to be scared. Just a half-dream...just my imagination. I'm going to run and jump on my bed, and go right through this damn illusion, and nothing will be real." True to his word, he closed his eyes and took a running leap onto his bed...to find his face met with a lap.

He and the illusion both scrambled back at the same time. The man's face was as red as a lobster. "_What_ is your _problem_? I'm _real_. I'm right here. I'm not a damn illusion!"

Rei was breathing heavily. "Then _what are you doing in my apartment_!?"

"...I don't really know. It used to be mine...but I left."

"Then it's not yours anymore, you freaking psycho! _I'm_ paying the rent, here!"

But now the man was frowning, obviously very, very confused. "Where...did I go?"

"My guess? The funny farm. But hey, that's just one man's opinion."

The man was ignoring him, obviously. "I...I didn't go back home. I didn't go anywhere else abroad. I...why can't I remember?"

"...Because they upped your meds?"

"...This was my apartment. I designed the whole building, I built this apartment for me and...and for her. For both of us. We were so happy. What happened? Where did I go? How did I get back here? Why did I leave? When?"

"If you say 'Who am I', I swear I'll kill you."

The man frowned at him. "I know who I am, dumbass. Who the hell are you?"

Rei shot him a glare. "I think that I should be the one asking the questions, seeing as you're in _my_ apartment."

The man shrugged. "Fair enough."

"So who are _you_?"

"Kai. Kai Hiwtari."

"How old are you?"

"Whoa, whoa. I answered your question, now you answer mine. Who are _you_?"

"...Rei Kon."

"Okay. Shoot."

"How old are you?"

"Twenty seven. You?"

"Twenty six. How long ago did you leave?"

"...Um. I left when I was...twenty two? Almost twenty three, I think."

"So about four to five years?"

"Yeah, I guess. When did you get here?"

"Yesterday afternoon."

"Huh."

"Who is 'her'?"

"Huh?"

"You said 'I built this for her'."

"Oh. Her."

"Yeah."

"Juliette. She's French. We were lovers...I don't know if we still are, or what. Do you have a 'her'?"

"I did."

"What happened?"

"...She...well, um...she kind of...uh..."

"Left you?"

"...Yeah."

"For another guy, or did she just..."

"No, no, it was - hey, I don't even know you. Why the hell am I telling you this?"

"Damned if I know."

"...Look. Are you planning on going away?"

"Where would I go?"

"...Just take the damn couch. We'll find you someplace tomorrow."

* * *

A/N Moving way too fast, and the chapter's far too short. They'll be slightly slower and longer in the future.


	3. Chapter 3

**Last Resort**

_By: Witness In The Silence_

_

* * *

_

"Sometimes the end is just a new beginning." When Rei Kon moved into his gorgeous, cheap new apartment, he got a bit more than he bargained for...it didn't help that he was afraid of ghosts. Shonen-ai KaiRei

* * *

Chapter Two: How to Save a Life

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night_

_Had I known how to save a life_

* * *

"I winced as a wave of pain ripped through my body, my muscles screaming silent protests, fighting my movement. I would have said it was rigor mortis...except I was alive, like it or not. My vision was hazy, and the thick smoke that clouded the air before my blue eyes wasn't helping...at all. 

"Suddenly, the pain left and my vision cleared, the smoke vanishing. I fell through a blackness darker than anything I had ever known, and I opened my mouth to scream. I then closed it without making the sound; I knew that there was no one to hear me, no matter how loud my voice went. In an instant, I was righted and my feet were slammed into gray concrete...Oh, this is useless."

Rei lay in his bed, surrounded by empty coffee cups and torn and crumpled pieces of paper. He let out a long, laden sigh, running a hand through his increasingly messy raven hair. He tossed the tablet and pen to the side, pulling his knees up to his chest. He rested his head on them gently, closing his eyes for a moment, allowing himself to relax.

"Writer's block?"

And there it went.

"Yeah," he sighed. He stared up at the tall, gorgeous man standing in his doorway. "I was half-hoping that you'd be gone."

"Why? It'd be impolite to leave before morning."

"It's three thirty. Technically it is morning. So scram."

"...If I didn't know any better, I'd say you didn't want me here."

"No shit, Sherlock. Look, you've gotta have _somewhere_ else you can go. What was that girl's name? Julia?"

"Juliette."

"Can't you stay with her?"

"No...maybe...I don't know. I mean, I've been gone what, four years? And I can't remember talking to her. Or doing anything else for that matter. I figure she's already married, moved, or dead."

Rei sighed. "Family?"

Kai winced. "We're not exactly...on good terms. Not to mention I have _no idea_ where my passport is."

"Passport?"

"All of my family lives in either Japan or Russia. I'm the only one here in the U.S."

"Jeez."

"Eh, it's not so bad. In fact, it's downright wonderful."

"Not that you're happy to get away from them or anything."

"Who, _moi_? Ne-ver."

Rei bit back a chuckle, sternly reminding himself of the guy's more-than-probable insanity. "Friends?"

"There were some...quite a few. But they were mainly acquiantances."

"Acquiantances? C'mon, a charming guy like yourself has to have a few close pals."

"See my argument for my little French omelette and apply it here."

"...I'm not so convinced. Come on, Kai. Think."

"Well, there were these two...we were really close. Kinda like brothers, but without the fighting. Mostly. No, wait, scratch that. We were like brothers."

Rei shook his head in amused exasperation. "Do we have addresses? Names? Faces? Phone numbers would be really, _really_ nice."

"We got names and faces..."

"Good enough. Spill."

"One of 'em was from Russia like me...Yuri, Yuri Ivanov. Tall, taller than me. Red hair that he set in spikes that could qualify as lethal weapons. Ice blue eyes. Pale. Um...had a bizarre fondness for the color orange."

"...o-kay."

"The other one was from somewhere just outside of Russia...small little country, can't remember the name. He was Boris Kuznetsov...giant of a guy, really, waaaay too tall and thin for his own good. Lanky. Dark, gray-ish hair...his eyes were almost-silver. Was a bit of a sadist, now that I think about it. Liked his vodka."

"Right-o." Rei scratched idly behind his ear. "So you think that if we find these guys, we find you a home?"

"Basically."

"_Wonderful_."

With that, Rei fell back onto his pillows and closed his eyes. Things were going wonderfully.

He had everything under control.

* * *

He had never had less control in his life. 

When he had awoken again the next morning, Kai was nowhere to be found. He half-hoped that the guy had just up and left, but he felt that he had to alert his friends anyway. They ought to know he had escaped the nuthouse.

He had tracked Yuri Ivanov down through the Yellow Pages, but he had come up to a dead end when the number listed turned out to be disconnected. He glanced at the year on the book and sighed - it was from four years ago. He really should have known.

Upon going to his car, his streak of not-so-good luck continued when he found two flat car tires and no spare in the trunk. Sighing, he proceeded to stalk the doorman until he was let into the manager's office to use his phone, as he had neglected to purchase a new one.

The tire man took a little over an hour to arrive, which meant Rei had to sit outside on the stairs, as he had no way of knowing when the man would arrive. He was a little hairy Italian who barely spoke English, but he managed to fix both of the tires without incident. After paying an exorbitant fee to the gleeful little man, Rei, grumbling, climbed into his car and made his way to a local cafe that he knew for a fact had a recent phone book.

Or so he thought.

"...You had one when I came here yesterday."

"No, sir. I don't know what you're talking about."

Rei felt like slamming his head into the wonderfully shiny steel refrigerator he could see in the kitchen behind the man. Or maybe jumping off a tall building. Or something like that.

"Are you going to order anything, sir? 'Cause the line's kinda getting long..."

"Gimme a medium latte, two Splenda, no foam."

"Yes sir. And your name...?"

"Rei."

"Coming right up, sir. That'll be five seventy five."

"..."

Rei frowned, tugging a ten out of his pocket. _Six dollars for a medium cup of coffee!? It had better be some damn good stuff._

"Thank you very much, sir."

Nodding at the pimple-y teen behind the counter, he meandered over to the other side of the cafe, waiting for his coffee.

"One medium latte, two Splenda, no foam, for Rei!"

"Right here," he said. He reached out to take the coffee - and it fell through his grip and crashed onto the floor, splashing all over both his shoes and cuffs and the shoes of the college student behind the counter.

"_Shit!_ Mr. Ivanov's gonna kill me!"

Rei froze.

"...What did you say?"

"...Shit?"

"No, dumbass. After that."

"Mr. Ivanov's gonna kill me?"

"Yeah, that. Who's Mr. Ivanov?"

"Yuri Ivanov? You new in town or something?"

"Yeah. He well known?"

"Uh, yeah. He's one of the best art teachers in the country...teaches up at the Art Institute. These are his shoes."

"...Listen, d'you want me to take them to him and explain what happened? Because I was actually looking for him..."

A glimmer of hope lit up the student's brown eyes. "Seriously!? Aw man, you are a lifesaver. I'll go fix you another coffee right now, free of charge."

_Thank you, sweet Man Upstairs._

The man was back in a moment, holding a steaming cup of coffee to go in one hand, a slip of paper in the other. "Here's his home address and my name...tell him I'm really sorry I couldn't do it in person, but my shift gets off at eleven."

"Sure thing, man."

"Thanks!"

"Bye!"

Giddy from excitement and not daring to question his suddenly wonderful luck, Rei dashed out to his car, careful not to spill the steaming coffee. As he slid into the leather driver's seat and slipped his cup into the holder, a fragment of doubt threw itself in front of his mind. Could it really be possible that he would find the man he was looking for just because he had spilled some coffee? Logic said no.

He really, really wanted logic to be wrong.

He read the address on the slip of paper the boy - Kane - had given him. Sliding the key into the ignition and nudging the accelerator with his foot, he firmly set all thoughts of doubt in the back of his mind.

He was sure this was the right guy.

* * *

Was he sure this was the right guy? 

As he stood outside apartment 311, shifting from foot to foot, Rei frowned. Sure, Ivanov wasn't that common of a name, and yeah, his first name _was_ Yuri...but Kai hadn't mentioned anything about art at all.

_Only one way to find out..._

He raised a hand, grabbed the iron knocker, and knocked three times.

"It's open, let yourself in!"

Raising an eyebrow at this rather unexpected greeting, Rei grabbed the handle, twisted and pushed on the door. Sure enough, the lock was undone. He stepped inside rather warily, surveying the apartment. It was bright and colorful, wide and open - a rather happy place.

"...Mr. Ivanov?"

"Be with you in a minute!"

Rei barely had time to take a deep breath when a slim figure popped out of a doorway a few feet in front of him.

And then he knew - this was Kai's Yuri Ivanov.

His flaming red hair was not styled into two horns, but pulled back in a short ponytail, two bangs hanging in his face. His eyes were less ice and more blue. But he was wearing a bright orange shirt, and that made him the perfect candidate.

His skin was pale but splattered with color - two blue streaks ran over his left cheek, and a few flecks of red decorated his neck. "Hi! I'm Mr. Ivanov. You are...?"

"Rei Kon...pleasure to meet you." He shook the proferred hand, noticing that when he pulled his hand away it was smeared with neon green paint.

Yuri smiled at him. "So, what can I do ya for?"

"Um, Kane...Kane Suzumiya from your third period Art II class sends back your shoes, which are drenched in my coffee...there was an accident, all my fault, of course. He can't get off until eleven, or he'd have brought them to you himself."

The man chuckled, taking the wet shoes gingerly and tossing them into a basket beside the door. "Eh, it's quite alright."

Rei cleared his throat nervously. "Um, actually, Mr. Ivanov - "

"Please, call me Yuri."

Rei smiled softly at the man. "Yuri, then. I actually have something else to talk to you about as well. You see, I'm new to Boston, and well, I was rather hoping that you could help me with something...or someone."

Yuri raised a delicate red eyebrow. "Someone?"

Rei nodded. "Kai Hiwatari, more specifically."

Yuri blanched, and the color drained from his face, the blue a stark contrast to the whiteness of his skin. "...What? What business do you have with K-Kai?"

Rei's eyebrows furrowed at the stuttering before his "friend"'s name and wondered if, perhaps, Kai had done something terrible to him. "You see, he's living in my apartment. I tried to get him to leave, but all he told me is that he left about four years ago and can't remember where he went. Was he in a coma, or an asylum of some sort? I don't mean to pry, but I'd rather like to get him off of my couch."

Yuri, Rei noticed, was getting progressively paler and more agitated as he went on. When he finished, the redhead was staring at him with a look of almost horror and something that seemed to Rei to be almost akin to hope...with a tinge of incredible sadness.

There was something deep and powerful working in the other man's mind, and Rei got the feeling that his talk about Kai was the instigator of it.

"...How about we go into the kitchen and have some tea, eh?"

"...Um...okay?"

Rei obediently followed the other man into the kitchen. The redhead moved as if he were in a daze, walking around and making drinks as though he were on autopilot. He plopped down a cup of iced tea in front of Rei before he collapsed in the chair beside him, clearly shaken up about something.

"Why," he said slowly, looking at Rei, "don't you start from the beginning?"

And so he did. He told Yuri everything, all the things that Kai had said, that bizarre morning in the kitchen, the complete change in demeanor when he met him again that evening, the conversations, the blankets and pillows, the couch...even as he spoke the words, he realized how crazy he must sound. When he finished the story he was blushing rather heavily, sure that the man next to him was going to have him committed to a mental asylum.

For a long time after he finished, Yuri said nothing, staring deep into his tea as though all the answers to every problem he'd ever known were hidden there. Finally, he looked up and met Rei's eye.

"I believe you," he said, and Rei's shoulders sagged with relief. "But now," he said, "there's something that you need to know."

* * *

It was around six o'clock when Rei finally made it back to his apartment, pale and rather shaken up. He collapsed into a chair at the kitchen table and rested his head in his hands. 

He and Yuri had talked for hours; he had arrived at ten and left at five thirty. It was more than Rei had talked in quite a while; his throat was sore and his mind full to the bursting point. He felt a headache coming on and wished sorely for an aspirin...or maybe a tranquilizer.

He was still trying to cope with the first fact Yuri had given him - with the horrific, grusome fact that left him cold all over and trembling with a combination of horror, fear, and disbelief.

_"Kai Hiwatari committed suicide four years ago."_

It wasn't possible.

_"Police pronounced him dead on the scene."_

There was no way...Kai was alive.

_"His obituary was written up; you can find it in the archives if you don't believe me."_

Of course he didn't believe him.

_"His funeral was held here, in Boston. I'll show you the gravestone, if you like."_

Oh, god. Oh, oh, oh, god.

His severe spectrophobia wasn't making matters any easier. According to Yuri...he was living with a ghost.

"Are you alright, Rei?"

His head snapped up, eyes wide, and he slid sideways off of his chair. "K-Kai!"

The man - the ghost - _Kai_ - was there immediately, his hands helping him up...his warm, comfortable, very much _living_ hands that guided him over into the living room and helped him onto the couch. "Rei, do you need a doctor? Medicine? What?"

Rei said nothing, staring with wide-eyed fear at Kai, who began to look frantic.

"Rei...Rei! Rei!? Answer me, dammit! _Rei!_"

Rei blinked, reaching out towards Kai. He cupped the other man's cheek in his hand and Kai grew quiet.

Rei's breathing was very shallow, his heart in his throat beating a mile a minute. Kai was dead, **Kai was dead, _Kai was DEAD - _**but he was _here, _he was _alive,_ Rei was touching him, feeling his pulse beneath his fingers...how? How could this be?

How could Kai be _dead_?

* * *

Hours later, Rei still lay on the sofa, wrapped in a very fuzzy, very warm, very comfortable, and very ugly blanket. Kai returned from the kitchen holding two mugs of hot chocolate and visibly blanched.

"That _has_ to be the most disgusting shade of yellow I've ever seen."

"Shut up and give me my hot chocolate, you bastard."

"What the hell? Not until you say please, and maybe not even then."

"What!? Why!?!"

"Because, according to _you_, I'm a bastard. Bastards, in general, are not nice people."

"Funnily enough," Rei huffed, "I'd noticed."

A small, small smile broke out onto Kai's features, like a tiny ray of sun on a winter day. "Have your damn chocolate then, you name-caller."

"Thank you very much."

Kai settled down on the sofa next to him, eyeing the blanket as though he was afraid it would eat him or something. Rei reached out with the hand _not_ holding his precious chocolate and poked Kai in the side.

Kai frowned. "If I'm dead, how can you touch me?"

Rei rolled his eyes. "We've already been through this, moron. I. Don't. Know."

"Don't moron me, moron."

"Sadist."

"You put up with me, so what does that make you?"

"...A masochist?"

"Exactly!"

"...What's so bad about being a masochist?"

"You could be a cutter."

"...So?"

"..."

Rei gave a triumphant smirk which quickly faded as he caught sight of Kai's face. "What? What's wrong?"

"...What happened to make me...to make me...y'know. I...I can barely remember anything. I remember being drunk all the time; I remember sobering up so I could buy the gun...but I don't know why I did it. I don't know why I fell apart like that. I don't know where I went, what I did, or why I'm back. Why...?"

Kai's face was crumpling more and more with each statement, confusion and sorrow and pain conflicting in his deep burgandy eyes. Rei felt his heart go out to the man instantly, and set his mug down on the table before enveloping the older man in a hug.

Instead of pushing Rei away, Kai pulled himself closer to the younger man, seeking some kind of solace, some kind of comfort. He buried his nose in the joint between Rei's neck and shoulder, and Rei could feel a startling wetness there. He held the man closer, his own eyes screwed shut.

_Oh, god, Allah, Buddha, Christ, whoever the hell is listening. Please, oh **please** help me. Help Kai. Help me understand Kai; help Kai move on, if that's what he needs. Help me adjust; help me stop my fears._

_Please..._

* * *

"..."

Rei looked down to be greeted by a head of two-toned hair. A light, cool breath touched against his collar bone, and he knew that Kai's head still rested on his. Apparently they had fallen asleep like this last night, wrapped in Rei's warm, atrocious yellow blanket, Kai collapsed on top of him.

_Kai is dead...a ghost..._

Rei took a very, very, _very _deep breath. He could handle this. Kai was his friend/roommate. He could do this. He knew he could.

Sighing, he gently, gently shifted out from beneath Kai, slowly letting the other man sink into the comfortable couch cushions. Satisfied that he was out for the count for now, he made his way into the bathroom.

He closed the door and locked it (fat lot of good that would do) and rested his head against the mirror above the sink. God, since when was his life so complicated?

_Since she dropped me like a piece of shit._

No, no, no. Bad, bad, _bad _negative thoughts. Stay back.

_Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness, you retard. Stop it._

No.

_Dammit, Rei, get a hold of yourself!_

Shit, was he schizo?

_NO, DAMMIT. YOU ARE NOT - I mean - I AM NOT SCHIZO. NO._

He resisted the urge to slam his head into the toilet and drown himself.

Maybe he should just take a shower.

* * *

A/N Ten pages...three longer than the last chapter. Still not as long as I would like, but it will have to do.


End file.
